I’m an introvert and that means I mostly live my world inside my head. It also means I’m a ponderer; I ponder A LOT! Recently, my ponderings have been around my ‘what next’. Having just turned 50 and deep in peri-menopause, I’ve been pondering a lot about what the next bit of my life is going to be like. I have a deep sense of something else is coming, that what I’ve been doing for the past 30 years has been building up to this something else.
Pondering: Keeping Small
While pondering I had a realisation recently. That I’ve been keeping myself small. It’s not the fear of failure or letting people down that’s been holding me back. It’s the fear that if I create this thing that seems to be in my heart; how big will it be and can I do it; can I cope with the responsibility of owning something so big? I can’t do it alone. That’s been holding me back too; thinking that whatever I’m going to do next, I must do it alone. Well, nope! In fact, I need, want, to do it with other people. It must be the right people of course; those aligned with my purpose, my values; but others nonetheless. Gather the right support, find my tribe and I can do this, I want to do this.
So, what is the ‘this’? Well, I haven’t fully formed it yet, but I know it’s driven by my wanting to make the world a better place. And I’ve been challenging myself about that too – “That’s too big a statement… you can’t possibly save the world… go back and think again” – keeping myself small. No more. I know I want to make the world a better place, so that’s what I’m blummin’ well going to do!
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.”
So, what’s your true power? Where can you embrace your light, not your darkness?
With love, Wendy x
Wendy Aspland is married with 2 children and works in a corporate role. Now in her 50s, she’s keen to explore the next phase of her life and what it might bring. She enjoys writing about her musings here and has a secret ambition to write satire!
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